Tuesday, February 19, 2008

MY CONVERSATION W/ MY EGO

AN UPDATE:

I'M DOING WELL. I WALKED OUT OF GAYLORD THURSDAY WITH A WALKER BUT HAVE NOT USED IT SINCE. IT'S LIKE GOING TO THE DENTIST-YOU NEVER WANT TO GO BUT YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO. THAT IS WHERE I'M AT RIGHT NOW. I KNOW I HAVE TO BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE. IT'S AN EGO THING-I'M SORRY BUT IT IS. I HAVE AN ARGUMENT W/ MY EGO EVERY MORNING AND IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

MY BRAIN-

"YOU KNOW IT'S THE SAFE WAY TO WALK"

MY EGO-

"SHUT UP, YOUR GIVING IN"

MY BRAIN-

"NO, IT'S WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU"

MY EGO-

"YOU'RE WEAK-I'M SHUTTING DOWN YOUR ABILITY TO REASON W/ ME"

MY BRAIN-

"NO, WAIT"

MY EGO-

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU"

AND THEN THE CONVERSATION FALLS ON DEAF EARS. SO THAT'S WHERE I'M AT. I HAVE NOT BROKEN DOWN ABOUT MY DISEASE BUT 2 TIMES. AND WHEN I DECIDED TO START A BLOG-I WANTED TO PUT IT ALL OUT THERE. I THINK I'VE CONVEYED A MESSAGE THAT IT'S OKAY TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE AND SHARE YOUR LIFE. WELL, I BROKE DOWN YESTERDAY. PEOPLE THAT WERE W/ ME SAID TO LET IT ALL OUT. SO I DID-AND IT FELT GOOD. A GOOD CRY IS GREAT.

AND SO THE JOURNEY GOES FORWARD. I START THE LITHIUM TOMORROW............................!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ALL THE SUPPORT-KEEP IT COMING.

DREW

2 comments:

barb said...

Take it from someone with a degerative neurological disease who has used a walker for a long while - anything I can do to make Phil's job easier in taking care of me - which he would have to do if I broke a bone in falling - so if u have to use a walker - u can make it about other people -it's really an act of selflessness. It was a hard move to make, I had a "melt-down" in the store as we were buying it, but now I'm quite used to it...

Barb p.s u may have gotten this 3 times...sorry!!

DixieMartn said...

Drew,
Always thinking about you and how you are doing. I know that this is your personal fight, but I think that everyone that cares for you is fighting right along with you.
Love,
Gina